Two in There!


it’s hard work being an oven
March 20, 2009, 4:56 pm
Filed under: babies

7 weeks today. Feels like it’s been no time and a lifetime all at once. In true paradoxical form the days seem to crawl by at a snail’s pace, but when I step back to look for a minute I think, “wow, 7 weeks”. I wish my uterus had a little window so I could peek in and say hello and see how my two are doing in there. Alas, such abdominal glazing does not exist so all I can do is relax and send positive thoughts down there.

I feel like since I’m no stranger to this pregnancy malarkey, I should be the very embodiment of pregnant empowerment; embarking on some sort of journey of intense self discovery, uttering affirmations and tapping into that well of inner motherly wisdom to allow me to celebrate the miracle of my body’s achievements. Instead for the most part I’m a nervous wreck, and the only journey I appear to be embarking on is the well-trodden path between the couch and the loo. Oh, and as for the well of inner motherly wisdom; I think the drought kicked in about 5 minutes after Heidi was born, since then it’s been a frantic game of devouring books on the matter punctuated by a whole lot of trial and error. That’s not to say I haven’t been confident as I grasp in the darkness, baby in one hand, so hopefully once I start to accept things a little more, I’ll be back to my usual self, if, indeed, such a thing exists between now and the next 7 months.

I think the hormonal lunacy has properly settled in now. I am in the full throws of an unhappy gut dawn til dusk, and even when the gloaming comes, you’re likely to find me reaching for the bucket (for those who are interested, it’s a small lime green one, with a blue handle). Everything smells foul. Nothing is appetizing, which infuriates me. My powers of concentration appear to have packed up and shipped out, all known logic stowing away on this merry voyage, and I am left, an emotional husk weeping at yoghurt adverts. I have however, somewhere amidst me slowly become a full-blown mentalist, managed to accept that I am not an all-singing, all-dancing womb on legs whose only mission is to gestate all the while running a household and fighting crime. I am just a woman, I am crapping myself that things will go wrong, and that’s totally nomal. This isn’t a contest, and all I need to do is relax and concentrate on getting to the end, upon which I will be presented with a shiny-gold-medal-and-a-pat-on-the-back two beautiful babies.

Today, Heidi is off to stay over with my mother and father-in-law, and I’ve spent the morning curled up around aforementioned green bucket and the latter part of the afternoon knitting a hat for my sister-in-law’s impending baby, listening to ryan adams, drinking tea and neglecting to do any sort of housework whatsoever. I plan to carry out the rest of the evening in much the same fashion, perhaps dotted with a little bit of telly (though I did actually find myself crying in unfairness as LOST has now stopped until the autumn).

Hope all you girls are doing good, and have at least a bit of that Friday feeling.

Love,

Siobhan xxx

p.s. the picture above is Heidi wearing the same hat I’m knitting, aged about 5 months, and she’s managed to get to over 2 and it still fits!

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